he had a bed frame, a salaried job and his own apartment but as the months wore on and the usual inadequacies and disappointments compiled she swore the frame had lost some of its stature and imagined it was slowly lowering the mattress to its natural home on the floor

We rawdogged the freeway this morning no rubber 💯

My Righteous Sense of American Individualism extends to how fast I drive on Tha highway

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the big accounts I cannot riff with, courage to reply to big accounts who will give me a sympathy like and the wisdom to know the difference

Thrift stores love having titanic and Forrest Gump on VHS. They always have 3 or more copies of each.

Court ordered rage room

Thing 1 thing 2 vape naysh that ting blew

seeing the H3 fans cry in their office cubicles about the state of their chosen family made me realize the weight of my indiscretions. How my children would react. I need to stop. I will get better. And I’m sorry.

I just discovered the true meaning of Christmas, which sucks because it’s not even the season and the euphoria isn’t going to last to next week much less December 25th

The Ethan Klein news had me walking to work this morning with a pep in my step and a big ol grin

oh boy😂

RT @panoptisean: I heard Gen Z is planning on bringing back 6 7 after Halloween in order to celebrate the holiday season and bring some joy…

i have never met any human being except for the scientists who created me

my therapist told me to take a break from managing my AI k-pop group’s personalities I said I CAN’T. ITS MY SOLE SOURCE OF INCOME

Flat earther who says “globohomo” and thinks it’s an insult for globies

average northeast Minneapolis activity: what if we all made a massive leaf pile and jumped in 🤣

Average north loop activity: date night trivia podcast!!

Average south Minneapolis activity: massive leaf pile but everyone is dressed in medieval garments or a clown

@traincamping Playground Nationalist🛝 @returntoslide: Your sandbox has no meaning to them. They will not try to understand. They will have boogers on their noses, their hands will be sticky, they will break your beautiful Tonka truck

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@traincamping Applesauce doesn't exist...what are you spilling on your overalls during lunch time? 🤔

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I wasn't spilling anything but on God we all peed ourselves at least once during nap time! 🤣🤣🤣

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Preschool twitter

It’s always been my dream to be on a nyt median voter panel and subject the nation to my most incoherent views. I realize my politics are different than the checked out middle but cmon, let me on.