Bob Dylan looking like what would happen if Emperor Palpatine hit 11 bongs and went on a shopping spree in Next.

BOSS: Have you sorted the competition prize money? £12,000 isn’t it?

ME [CLEARLY WEARING A BRAND NEW £76 BANDANA]: Yeh something like that

Off to prisony wison you go.

Looks like he might have finally made America great again after all.

Lord Sugar: What's your business proposition?

Me:

Four Tet studio, 2011…

Back in the dating game for the first time in over a decade. Ladies, form an elderly queue.

I hate the clocks going backwards and forwards. When I was young, we didn’t even have clocks. If we got hungry, we ate each other. We were poor, but we were happy. Good times. Not that we had time. It hadn’t been invented. We had to make our own time out of string and cholera.

Had about 2 hours sleep, 3 hours listening to wind waiting for the window to smash and 4 hours wondering who made Captain Caveman a captain.

Don't really care how stoned you are mate. Just want some nice bread.

Juventus unveil Woltemade to the fans

“The WIFI password is on the back of the router”

The back of the router:

I just referred to the start of a meeting as an 'agenda reveal party' before immediately logging off and handing in my notice.

Gonna start calling this Leak Ontario.

'Sweat like a butterfly, sweat like a bee' - Muhumid Ali

When is this rain going to end?

Nick Drake is one of my favourite people named after a type of bird theft. Others include Russell Crowe, Rob Fowler, Peregrin Took and Jack Sparrow.

'Maserati 3200, talk to me'

Is it worth pointing out that Laurence Fox got less votes than a man dressed as a bin? Of course it is.