@Pineapples1991 Looking good xx

@AllenandtheJean Yes please

And the #award for #twatoftheday in the sub category of #parkingwanker goes to this idiot who I think has damaged my van

@AllenandtheJean Fantastic x

Is it #wrong that I am sitting alone in my office watching a #podcast on my laptop and #porn on my phone? Lol It's #Friday it's fine

My #GP wants to sign me off work for a week, he's says I am suffering from #exhaustion. That's great but I only went to see him for an #earinfection

@AllenandtheJean Great picture

@Innocenthotwife Amazing picture x

@AllenandtheJean Great picture

Can whichever one of my #neighbours that is practicing the #flute loudly at 10pm please stop?? I have to get up at 5am

@Pineapples1991 That's considerate parking, I am the same. This guy just didn't care

@Pineapples1991 I was sat in my car the whole time staring at him just couldn't believe it

Definition of a #twat, parking like this next to me, realising he's made a #mistake doesn't correct it but instead climbs over to the passenger side and gets out that way. He was tall and skinny #idiot

Me (to my partner): need a hand with anything
Partner: no you're good
(I sit down and start something else)
Partner: Babe! Can you give us a hand
#FFS #lol

My employers can't organise #shit. So far tomorrow I was going #legoland, then Reading and now i am meant to be in Birmingham. #wtf is going on?

So #working #outside #cold #wet
#London #ExCel

Having heard that #harryandmegan are moving to the #cotswolds I think @JeremyClarkson should give the royal couple a welcome hamper

Thank you to the my new #magicmedication had a very satisfied female friend last week

This is going to be a #longnight