And the #award for #twatoftheday in the sub category of #parkingwanker goes to this idiot who I think has damaged my van

Is it #wrong that I am sitting alone in my office watching a #podcast on my laptop and #porn on my phone? Lol It's #Friday it's fine

My #GP wants to sign me off work for a week, he's says I am suffering from #exhaustion. That's great but I only went to see him for an #earinfection

Can whichever one of my #neighbours that is practicing the #flute loudly at 10pm please stop?? I have to get up at 5am

Definition of a #twat, parking like this next to me, realising he's made a #mistake doesn't correct it but instead climbs over to the passenger side and gets out that way. He was tall and skinny #idiot

Me (to my partner): need a hand with anything
Partner: no you're good
(I sit down and start something else)
Partner: Babe! Can you give us a hand
#FFS #lol

My employers can't organise #shit. So far tomorrow I was going #legoland, then Reading and now i am meant to be in Birmingham. #wtf is going on?

So #working #outside #cold #wet
#London #ExCel

Having heard that #harryandmegan are moving to the #cotswolds I think @JeremyClarkson should give the royal couple a welcome hamper

Thank you to the my new #magicmedication had a very satisfied female friend last week

This is going to be a #longnight

Do you remember when you joined X? I do! #MyXAnniversary

Keep seeing my #exwife posting herself going #clubbing every night. So who's at home looking after our child? Also good to see where the #childmaintence is going. #Responsible she is not

Seeing my #GP in a couple of weeks, not rising to the occasion at the appropriate time, then waking up with wood in the middle of the night alone. What the fuck is wrong me?

So someone I haven't had a chance to speak too in a while messaged me asking if I was ignoring them, I said no, I had been busy. Messaged them the next day and they haven't replied #whydoibother?

Waiting in the office to collect a digital display board because no one thought to put content on it last night #idiots. If it's not ready by 10am #fuckit I am not going

Waiting on a call to say where I am going first this morning so being very #lazy

Thank you @lastminute_com to changing my #booking but I now fail to understand why I have to wait for you to call me so I can pay it? Why can't it be done #online?

Called @lastminute_com again and told they would call me back and then they hung up #disgraceful service