Alonzo Harris retweeted
Jay-Z Chooses Himself to Be The 2027 Super Bowl Halftime Show Performer: Report tmz.com/2026/10/20/jay…
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If you could only take one story to the next version of yourself, is there any world where that would be the any book other than the Bible
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Got blocked on Tinder for matching with a lawyer and my opening line was
“Damn girl, are you habeas corpus? Because you have the body”
“Damn girl, are you habeas corpus? Because you have the body”
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> walk into the Primetime screening with my 4’9” gf
> it’s empty
> employee comes in
> I reflexively say “…You see how this looks, right?”
> riskiest laugh I’ve earned this year
> it’s empty
> employee comes in
> I reflexively say “…You see how this looks, right?”
> riskiest laugh I’ve earned this year
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I dislocated my thumb in my sleep last night, woke up and relocated it and then fell back asleep. I just had to write this down before I forget
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My girlfriend’s cats like me better but I have midwifed a cat so she’s btfo
Like I have held a cat’s paw and looked her in the eye as she gave birth gg no re 🐈
Like I have held a cat’s paw and looked her in the eye as she gave birth gg no re 🐈
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Gf asked why I never report the bodies of the homeless people I murder
I do, Los Angeles animal control never picks up
I do, Los Angeles animal control never picks up
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