feel pretty today

you’re laughing. i can’t have my airbnb guests regrout my bathroom & power wash my siding & you’re laughing

every time i watch bobs burgers i understand a joke i didn’t before

she’s a 10 but she loves saying weird shit so she’s actually a 100. she is me

He’s a pedophile btw and has admitted to it

not drinking again until saturday, would you look at that. it’s saturday

snapchat is like: "special moments at home" & it's literally evidence of abuse

you’re laughing. ethan klein & ned fulmer are going to start a podcast & you’re laughing

the literacy crisis could probably be improved by giving kids free pizza coupons for reading books again

all the girls who played with polly pocket are grown & fine now. pocket-sized princesses, big baddie energy

everyone be like oh i can handle your disorders until it starts disordering

i’ll never be too old to sleep with plushies on my bed

need sushi NOW

"whose pussy is this?" - an extremely busy gynecologist looking over patient charts

touching yourself while picturing him is a form of manifestation

doing my steps byyyye

i want a burger & $100

yall keep rapping but we need construction workers & labourers

i don’t trust people that decorate for christmas before halloween

we got flying cars before men could develop their frontal lobe & regulate their emotions