It's honestly tough to admit that I was never good at twitter. But so many of my friends were and I watched you all rise and soar! Im glad that will be over soon. Guess I was smarter

My battery is low and it's getting dark

oh also i have an OF

Here’s Hunter Biden with Qatari and Saudi leaders right before securing over $3 billion investments.

I’m going to jersey mikes does anyone want anything

Jesus farted

Hey you. Your AirPods are disgusting.

Awesome show tonight at The Oracle Tavern! 8pm 1640 N Spring St. @eddiepence @nickrutherford @randyliedtke @JustinHerman @MattDevlin314 @BabsGray & @TesstifyBarker!

actually even if Bugs Bunny is only a hallucination technically he isn't dead because if a tune exists even in your imagination it's alive and even if you dont buy that Lebron and Bugs were excited to go get tacos and hallucinations dont eat tacos

To be clear the bet was IF Bugs Bunny was dead, I’d pay Cornell 30 thousand dollars. If he wasn’t Cornell pays me $2.50

I need to know too. @hulu?

I just became a member of Glaad because Texas is trying to pull some backasswards shit. If you can donate, please do. glaad.org/tags/texas

Where I grew up it’s “who who coo coo coo coo uppy upper bong bong soosh” and then a single cough

I got to write on this movie and let me tell you it's a real good Bad Trip. Congrats to YOU, the audience, because you get to watch it for the first time.

This is very big news for trans people! And @GraceGFreud I couldn’t have been there for you if you didn’t constantly need someone to be there for you so thank YOU!

If you donate you can zoom with the @RickandMorty which includes me. I will do silly accents and have a few wigs to bring to the table. Also you can see my “tiny phone” (which is NOT a sexual euphemism)

*zoom with the R&M WRITERS* not actually with Rick and Morty. They are busy.

My potential best friend @GraceGFreud is having a bday raffle for a great cause. For every $4 you donate you get a ticket and I get closer to closing this friendship deal

. @GraceGFreud is my best friend pending her managers approval

Oh fuck the Davinci code movie is 2 hours and 23 minutes long