There's a special place in he'll for autocorrect

There’s no drunk like a Sunday drunk

I only drink beer on public transport to stop people sitting next to me

Sorry but if God existed he would never allow Christian Rock

You’d get a lot more takers if you opened up a go fuck yourself page

Nah mate, when the Americans talk about football they mean that silly game where the fat men dress up as Transformers

Fuck man, I’ve been having an energy crisis for about 10 years..

Never place your trust in people who can breathe

Google maps: You've arrived.

Me: *fluffs hair* I know! Right?

The only people who hate each other more than the left and the right are the left and the left

Don’t ask me what I think because I’ll tell you.

If only sense was simple and common

My favorite thing about twitter is that I was accused of mansplaining here when I was a cartoon 😂

There’s no better place to make your case against the evils of social media than on social media..

Women don’t have half of their faces covered with a beard and that’s why we need filters

Does being great at mediocre count?

Talk is cheap..

But not talking is much cheaper

Fuck aspiring to greatness. Being better than your sibling will do

If your child doesn’t grow up and one day tell you to “Fuck off”, you’ve failed as a parent.

If your drug dealer is on time you’re going to jail.