Don’t think I’m any type of hero but I’ve had this name since 2013 and I’m not changing it now.

*just a regular ICU nurse*

Svo2 27 with impella. Yeah sounds compatible with life

Got pulled to CVICU to take ECMO because they’re so short staff they had to triple a IABP……holy mother of unsafe

Want never ending stress? But two boats! One boat will give you anxiety but two will really do it if you want a never ending stream of stress and repairs

Overheard in icu *patient keeps going into vtach*

“Well….I guess you can’t be more stable than dead”

Hi. If you’re Afib RVR converts to sinus Brady AND your cardizem drip order states for goal heart rate of 80-100……turn off your god damn cardizem drip

Me “so can I get a central line? We have 4 maxed sedatives, levo, lytes and antibiotics, we’re about to start a paralytic and I am out of access?”

Resident “that’s not enough indication. Just stop the sedatives one the paralytics kicks in”

SIR. NO.

And he’s my sedatives were all stopcocked together to help already

As an icu nurse all I’m asking ER for is to please don’t bring the patient up dead dead. Like mostly dead sure lemme at it. But not all the way dead

FUCK being 25 again…..I’d have less money, less boats AND I’d be aware of the upcoming next 3 years of Covid and lawsuit hell that were to come. Never. Ever. Again.

When a patient self extubates and is doing fine on room air. Like ok bro you win

One of the coolest things about icu is that ocassionally you spend an entire shift coding and keeping a patient alive, and then you come back a few days later and they’re awake and extubated following commands ❤️

Went in to draw my morning labs,

Patient “oh look draculas daughter”

Points for creativity sir that is a new one 😂

Honestly so many situations could be handled if the world just acted more like hockey. Beat the shit out of eachother and then take a time out and go back to work

*patient rips out foley balloon intact, bleeding form trauma*

RN “there’s a lot of blood coming from your penis”
Male patient “well I don’t use that thing anyways”

RN “Hi my name is____”
Patient “I HAVE DIARRHEA”

Overheard in ICU “WHO CALLED WHO A CUNT?”

“INCOMPETENT I SAID INCOMPETENT”

I just remembered when I worked at a hospital that completely banned all IV push hydralazine because of one sentinel event……I give that shit like once every other shift now. Wild

Incredibly sweet old man who hasn’t called for anything puts on call light “hey I don’t mean to bother you but my chest is hurting way more now than when I came in and I think I need something for it”

*is having STEMI and goes immediately to cath lab* 😅😅😅😅

Well, I waddle outta bed, and I’m ready for some fishin’
Score myself some salmon nutrition
Chomp and chew and live the FAT BEAR life.

Dip in the water and the salmon start jumpin’
Out on the bank, my belly starts plumpin’
With bears like me at the falls from 9 to 5!

#9to5Day

Ex I haven’t spoken to in years on a random Friday “I’d outfish you”

Doubtful bro. I do this for a living 😂