I can’t wait to abuse substances this weekend I’m actually fucking shaking

Pussy from a girl who can recaulk a bathtub

would i like to round up my total to fight substance abuse? no i dont think so.

being a guncle is crazy. one minute we’re at the playground and the next im deciding whether to take mdma or mda

come to the apple orchard. get the “fresh apple cider”

the molly holes in my brain are whispering to me

Why has Halloween become a monthlong festivity

Sorry it’s taking me so long to spit in your mouth im dehydrated

was at a restaurant in the mission earlier and two (2) separate parties discussed Twitter and “normieslop”

as mayor daniel lurie says, let’s nuke San Francisco…

frying my brain as a treat

saying shit like “you lower my cortisol” rather than “i love you”

never have sex with ur ex mine stole a sock like dobby the elf

broke something at work and got yelled at so now im getting ice cream

closing the Twitter app so I can reopen the Twitter app

Credit card points have caused disastrous productivity losses from people with money-making autism

you have to roast butternut squash. go into debt if you have to

I don’t get diplo run club - are you going straight from 5k to ketamine..?

asking my dr about klonopin for when my bf is driving

tonight’s going to be the coke episode in Girls

Just saw an auntie wearing an “I heart water sports” shirt ..?