Queues at Dover

Didn’t have ‘Zack Polanski comments on your FB post’ on my 2025 bingo card.

Hope and equality? NO THANKS 👎

Me and @MickFerry on Taproom Tramps, new podcast every Friday.

Someone just tried to insult me by calling me a ‘lefty scouser’.

Thanks 👍

New episode of Tap Room Tramps is out on Friday. With me and @sam__avery recorded at @frogandbucket studios.

I’ve more respect for flat-earthers than people who say Jordan Pickford is rubbish.

Did you see the chocolate bar?!

Sam Avery is on tour with his electrifying new show, ⚡️THUNDERSTORM⚡️

There's thunderous punchlines, lightning-fast jokes, and a night of laughs you won't forget.

"Amazing and brutally honest...brilliant" @ladbible

boundandgaggedcomedy.com/bandg-tour-thu…

@sam__avery

Had a great time in the USA 🇺🇸

Let's make hope normal again.

EUSTON TANNOY: Customers are reminded not to run at any time.

I refuse to go onstage without a pink couch 🤣

Some 20 year old asked me last night if 'I'd heard of TikTok?' 🤣

I told him no. He patiently explained the concept. I asked him if he could help me download this TikTok thing.

He went on the app store on my phone, saw I already had it and had 70k followers.

Cheeky fucker 🤣

If Britain was a house party

Forest fan on front row of my show tonight told me he was avoiding the result so he could watch it when he got home. He must be watching it right now. Poor fecker.

New episode of Tap Room Tramps is out tomorrow with guest host @DeadMenTom standing in for @sam__avery

Well that was quite the experience! Quick trip to NYC to host a fundraising gala, then back to Blighty for shows in Bristol, Southend and Cambridge this weekend 💪🤓 (where I will NOT be dressed in a tux, soz)

My phone was hacked for 9 years. What they did was criminal. People’s lives were ruined. If you haven’t seen it watch The Hack. ITV.

Imagine a revenge movie starring Liam Neesan where he tracks down and incarcerates all the PPE crooks from the pandemic.

‘You can identify as anything nowadays’